


The Expectation Game

by Blue_Crown



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fantasy High is for the gays only, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, soft gfs for the win
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25230700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Crown/pseuds/Blue_Crown
Summary: Four times Aelwyn Abernant worked to earn love, and one girl who showed her what it really was.
Relationships: Adaine Abernant & Aelwen Abernant, Aelwen Abernant/Sam Nightingale
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	The Expectation Game

1.

Every day, Aelwyn Abernant plays a game. She would never call it such out loud- her parents wouldn’t hear of such silliness- but both her mother and father are willing participants in this daily test. 

The game is simple, at least to Aelwyn. Expectations are set by her parents, by father especially, and she follows them perfectly and exactly. The rules are always the same, and the punishment has remained set since she could first comprehend the concept of love. And that’s what she got, when she was winning (which she always was, she was an Abernant after all). If you follow the rules, if you just play the game, you get the consistent reward of love- meaning praise and acceptance, and nights spent in her bed instead of on the couch. 

Aelwyn has never understood her sister.

The game is meticulous and complex, of course, but it’s so easy once you’ve learned the rules. Adaine has had more than enough time to understand how to act, yet she continues to break the rules in the loudest, most blatant ways. Silently, she worries for her, wishes she would just play along like she’s supposed to, but it’s almost as if Adaine doesn’t want to win. 

(There is no winning the game, Aelwyn knows deep down. But that thought stays trapped in the part of her mind that she locks away. It scares her every waking moment to know she has weak thoughts like these, thoughts that will grip her tightly in the dark hours of the night and turn her entire body cold, cold, cold, like there is no warmth in this house.)

She may never win, but she can’t lose this game. It’s life or death.

Aelwyn chooses to study abjuration and builds shields around her heart, and then builds more, and more, and more. 

2.

Aelwyn got a perfect score on her Hudol entrance exam, and tonight she will be accepted. Tonight she has earned a smile from her mother. And tomorrow she will earn it all over again.

Why is she so tired?

It’s probably nothing. How could anything be wrong when mother is happy, she is so happy and father is doing that half-smile that almost reaches his eyes and that means that Aelwyn is perfect. 

She feels on top of the world tonight, and she smiles too (never tight-lipped, never too much teeth), walking gracefully to her room to study even harder. This praise is overwhelming her in waves, though she will never be satisfied. It fills a void in her that is protected by magic and shields and Aelwyn wants more, more, more.

She’s happy like this, she tells herself. 

3\. 

Aelwyn used to say that a bored mind is a blatantly stupid one. How could anyone feel discontent when they could be studying, or reading, putting themselves to good use to chisel their future into something perfect?

And yet, Aelwyn Abernant is bored. And that simply will not do. Something is necessary to calm the quiet part of her mind that wails in hatred for everything she is, the way she doesn’t know who she is beyond this exhaustion, beyond this insatiable dissatisfaction. 

Yes, a distraction has become necessary, and it will have to be drastic.

Penelope Everpetal is throwing a party. Aelwyn Abernant has not been invited. She will show up anyways, and give the girl a reason to consider her presence the next time.

Later that night, staring at her empty stash of dragon spice, Penelope Everpetal smiles. And consider Aelwyn, she certainly does.

It becomes something consistent, almost like a… diversion, so that she will not even entertain the possibility of having a stupid mind. She’d much rather be hopped up on pills she can’t remember the names of and alcohol she shouldn’t be mixing with it, and boys whose faces she wishes she could forget as easily as the long list of substances numbing her senses. At least then she isn’t thinking, thinking, thinking. 

Fuck thinking. 

One day, the parties aren’t cutting it anymore, and it seems that Penelope has noticed, because the half-smile she gives as she proposes something new is so familiar.

Aelwyn doesn’t hesitate, and she makes an irreversible agreement. She’s not sorry for it.

4\. 

She has no clue how she ended up in this mess.

No, literally. Aelwyn doesn’t remember. The last year of her life is a blur and her brain is a swirling vortex of emotion and she can’t tell if her sister’s voice from somewhere in the room is even _real _. _’Please, god, let her be real,’ _she sobs, or… imagines she does, she isn’t sure. Every shield and barrier and repeat of “I’m fine” she’s ever used to protect herself is absent and the void it has left behind is a suffocating silence.____

____Later that night, Aelwyn Abernant runs back to the people who did this to her. Later that night, tears stream down her face as she makes her way through the forest, and she commands them to stop, stop stop. She is still trying to pass this impossible test. Aelwyn knows she’s losing._ _ _ _

____But the game doesn’t stop until the players are all gone. God, if only._ _ _ _

____\+ 1_ _ _ _

____She gets her wish sooner than expected. It’s just her and her sister now. And her sister’s friends, and those friends’ girlfriends, and a few adults, and their various family members. But she feels like it’s just her, surrounded by strangers in a too big house with too big personalities laughing too loudly and being too happy, too carefree._ _ _ _

____Aelwyn isn’t sure how to feel about all of this. She knows the empty feeling in her chest has always been there, but now she can’t ignore it, and her worst fear and greatest dream have come to light simultaneously._ _ _ _

____It’s like a weight has been lifted off of her shoulders, and she isn’t sure what to do with the lighter space._ _ _ _

____Adaine makes suggestions, tries to help her, and Aelwyn appreciates it. She really does. But the guilt churns in her stomach and she avoids what she knows will bring harsh feelings- she avoids honesty, because what else does Aelwyn know how to do? Each time she looks at her sister, she sees her trapped in an orb, sees her shocked expression as a great unicorn drove its horn deep through Adaine’s chest, she sees a young girl that she failed to protect time after time and there is so much guilt mixed into the love. This is too much, too._ _ _ _

____She laughs bitterly. Her baby sister was supposed to be the one with the breathing issue, yet here she was, tugging at her own hair on the floor of a closet in Mordred Manor. Well, it’s supposed to be a closet, but it’s practically the size of a bedroom. Some part of her brain laughs about the situation. She is living with the elven oracle, werewolves, and orcs, and having a panic attack on the floor. Who would have thought? Certainly not her teachers at Hudol. Or the various students she was known to lose herself with at parties. Her parents would be mortified, if they were here._ _ _ _

____A shudder rips its way through Aelwyn’s body, and she gasps slightly. This is so fucking stupid. Jawbone would tell her that no, it’s just a ‘trauma response,’ but Abernants don’t get fucking trauma responses. They push everything down and don’t have to hyperventilate in closets because of stupid thunderstorms outside, reminding them of the way lightning feels when it pierces your body._ _ _ _

____She shakily reaches for a paper towel. Not for any particular need to use one, she just wants something to grasp onto other her than her shirt or hair or the dusty closet walls, because she has _standards _, damnit. Distantly, Aelwyn can hear the sounds of laughter beginning again downstairs. Good. The thirteen people in the living room were keeping each other busy, and it would be so improper to break down in front of either group. Besides, Adaine deserved to be happy with her friends, not burdened by her sister’s mess, by her childishness, by her failure. Failure. She was such a failure.___ _ _ _

______The word repeats on a loop in her mind as her heart rate picks up again._ _ _ _ _ _

______Aelwyn is in the middle of breathing exercises (some ridiculous suggestion from her sister’s new father, she would deny ever having tried it) when there is a knock on the door._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Uh… hey, Abernant? You alright in there?” It’s a girl’s voice, and not one she recognizes. That means it’s one of the seven maidens she’s been too afraid to speak with, out of fear of the suspicion and hatred on their faces. Things had gotten somewhat better, mostly with Zelda, but Aelwyn still hadn’t been able to face the others. She sincerely hopes the girl on the other side of the door isn’t Ostentatia, but she doubts the dwarf would agree to see her even if the others begged her to._ _ _ _ _ _

______The voice speaks out again, “Aelwyn, if you don’t want to come out of the closet, that’s fine. But your sister’s getting worried. So, just come down when you’re ready.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Fuck. She’s breathing too harshly, and thinking too much, and she feels like… honestly, a dick. Fine, whatever. Aelwyn stands up and smooths down her shirt- the lack of a Hudol blazer when she reaches for it always manages to surprise her- and walks to the door. With a deep breath, she grips the handle and swings it open, fully prepared to face her fear._ _ _ _ _ _

______Damnit, she thinks. It’s the pretty one._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam Nightingale stands before her, her hair flowing down her shoulders like a clear river, one of her eyebrows cocked in a way that conveys her surprise. Her body is half turned back toward the stairs- apparently she hadn’t expected Aelwyn to open the door._ _ _ _ _ _

______She’s sure that Sam will take this opportunity to mock her, and she knows she deserves it. Standing in the hallway of Mordred Manor, staring at each other, Sam and Aelwyn feel weighed down from the weight of their memories and neither knows if the other will explode._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey,” Sam mutters._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hello,” Aelwyn replies stiffly, and Sam laughs. The sound rings like bells, and Aelwyn feels embarrassment in the form of heat rushing to her cheeks._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I believe,” she starts again, and nearly panics again. She’s trying to be a better person, mostly for Adaine’s sake, but why is she doing this now? God. Okay, no turning back now, “that I owe you an apology. I did something terrible to-“_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Aelwyn,” Sam interrupts, her ghost of a smile fading slightly, and she feels a weird pit her gut that the girl knows her name, “it’s fine. I don’t hold a grudge. Besides, it’s kind of hard to be mad at someone who was just hyperventilating in a closet.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Ah. She could hear that. Aelwyn reflexively rolls her eyes, despite the way her heart is thudding in her chest. “Yeah, so I’m kind of fucked up. We all are. You could still be angry and seek your revenge or whatever, I wouldn’t blame you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam tilts her head and immediately turns fully to face the stairs. Fuck, was that too far? Maybe the maiden would poison her now or something. Aelwyn frowns as the water genasi walks down the hall and takes a step down the first stair, then stops. After a moment’s pause, she turns back to the high elf behind her with a cool expression._ _ _ _ _ _

______“As you wish, Abernant.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam goes back downstairs, and Aelwyn is rooted to one spot for a long time._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _

______Aelwyn Abernant is not gay._ _ _ _ _ _

______There are literal stacks of boys who could back this claim up, not that she would want them to. But as time goes on she starts to wonder if she just doesn’t know herself like she thinks she does- an extremely unsettling thought that leaves her on the edge of an existential crisis because _how _could she like… girls?___ _ _ _ _ _

________Sure, she’s never really liked boys either. She’d much prefer to spend time with her own gender, considering girls are generally cleaner and much less stupid, but obviously she’s had sex with guys- and lots of it- so she can’t be gay. No, she’s never even held a girl’s hand before, and that seems like a pretty gay thing to do._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________…When did Aelwyn become such a loser? At her old school, she was the most avidly popular girl around, drunkenly dancing her way through parties with Penelope Everpetal and fooling around every hot guy she saw. Now she’s confused over the thought of holding hands? How ridiculous._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Aelwyn lets herself push these feelings down, and it satisfies her for a while, until Sam fucking Nightingale starts ruining everything again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She’s been dragged into baking with the maidens. For recreational purposes. On a Wednesday afternoon._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Fuck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Aelwyn loves her sister, she really does, but sometimes her attempts to push her into “socializing” can be… overbearing, to say the least. Ostentatia Wallace has only recently started being able to look at her without being brought near hysterics (and that doesn’t hurt, really, it doesn’t make Aelwyn feel like the worst fucking person on the planet who doesn’t deserve anything she’s been given, no matter how small. She’s fine). Penny Luckstone’s face fills her with horrible guilt as well. All of their faces do._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And yet here they are, laughing and talking and acting for the most part as if Aelwyn doesn’t exist. Good. She doesn’t know what she’d say if they spoke to her, anyways._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Some part of her wants to excuse it all, say that she was pushed into it, Kalvaxus just managed to trick her, she was just bored. Nothing sounds good enough, and that’s because it isn’t. She knows better by now. That doesn’t stop her from feeling trapped._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Danielle flicks a bit of cookie dough onto Zelda’s nose and the room erupts into laughter. It must be nice having friends._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Aelwyn watches for a long time, leaning awkwardly against the kitchen counter and continuing to curse Adaine and her good intentions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So, what? Are you trying to set us all on fire with a single stare?” A melodic voice chimes from next to her, and Aelwyn turns quickly, slamming her elbow into the handle of a kitchen drawer. God damnit. As she hisses quietly, Sam reaches out to gently examine her arm, and Aelwyn blinks in surprise. She watches the girl and smiles tentatively at her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Geez, Nightingale. At least buy me dinner first,” she mumbles, one brow raised, and Sam pauses for just a moment before throwing a smirk her way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“How’s Friday at seven?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Aelwyn laughs, and for just a moment, the stress of this house is forgotten. She doesn’t even notice the other six people in the kitchen glancing their way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Apparently, Sam wasn’t joking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She pulls up to Mordred Manor in her dad’s car- turns out she has her license, another thing that Aelwyn missed out on due to, well, everything- and honks the horn loudly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hey there, Abernant. You ready for the best date of your life?” She smiles easily, her magenta eyes sparkling with mischief in a way that sends Aelwyn’s stomach fluttering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh, we’ll see about that. I’ve been on some damn good dates, you’ll have to really put the effort in here.” She shuts the car door behind her and settles in, thinking about how she’s never been out with a girl before. _’Just project confidence,’ _she reminds herself, and then nearly forgets her own name when Sam reaches across the car’s console and grabs her hand.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It’s like a burst of flame igniting her chest, the contact sending her heart pounding._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She could get used to this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Sam doesn’t play expectation games._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“After my last relationship didn’t go exactly as planned,” the water genasi smiles bittersweetly, “I learned a few things. Namely, things about myself and the kind of relationship I want.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Aelwyn thinks ‘a few things’ means that she only seems to date popular people, cool people, mentally and morally fucked people. Sam thinks that ‘a few things’ means knowing how to be gentle, knowing how to hold Aelwyn in the night when their darkness threatens to swallow them whole, knowing how to say ‘fuck it’ and go after what she wants._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Aelwyn likes Sam’s way of thinking, even though she’s sure doesn’t deserve it. But Sam thinks she does, and her love is sweet and sharp and unconditional all at the same time. Aelwyn hopes her love is just as good. Sam makes her want to be selfless and warm and she must be doing something right, because she’s been told (in-between make out sessions in the dressing room at the mall) that she’s been smiling more recently, and it’s a good look on her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Hey, come back to bed,” Sam whispers one night, snapping Aelwyn out of her musings. Trancing is still hard, it always will be, and most nights she wanders the house. Sometimes she reads, other times she checks the locks or that her sister is safe, but tonight Sam is over and they don’t have to separate until sunlight._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She’s playing with the fabric of Alewyn’s shirt- the soft blue one that actually belongs to her girlfriend, but that was stolen one day as a joke and never given back. Although she’s playing with the hem, trapped between her pointer and thumb, every bit of her attention is locked onto the other’s face. Come back to bed, she had said. A request, not a demand. Come back so I can hold you, and love you, and be held and loved in return._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It was a promise without an agenda, no games involved. Nothing like what Aelwyn is used to. And so, so perfect._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“My pleasure.” She smiles, and they hold each other with a soft affection beyond what words can describe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this little drabble was enjoyable! It's the first thing I've written in two years and I chose to try a rarepair because I love making things easy on myself. If you liked it or have suggestions on what I could improve next time, go ahead and drop a comment :,)


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